Love isn’t always easy.
Being in relationship with any human being isn’t easy - including being in relationship with yourself - your inner being/thoughts/feelings/body/etc - because there’s change, chaos, things out of your control.
When things ARE easy - laughter and smiles, fun and adventure, trust and reliability, communication and fornication ;-P - love feels easy and in flow.
So, what happens when things suck? When you break a promise, betray trust, “fail” at life. Does love stop existing? Does it mean you’re unlovable?
Somethings that happen might break a relationship, but it doesn’t mean that love stops. It may make it harder to express it, but it doesn’t go away. Even “falling out of love” with someone doesn’t mean you stop loving them. Hate usually comes from a place of disconnect between your expectations of love vs. the reality of love.
Sometimes I feel like my heart is in many other places because I’ve never stopped loving anyone I’ve once loved. It keeps my heart open and expectant of the best. It doesn’t mean I’m in touch with all of them or even think about them. It doesn’t mean I haven’t said goodbye to them or mean I’m in-love with them.
However, I love to the core of someone - seeing them as a valuable human being and teacher, rather than someone to hate. I might have resentments and anger towards someone, but that’s what boundaries are for - to hold myself apart from them so I can heal what was revealed through the experience without feeling responsible to or for them in my own healing process.
A healing process ripe with observing where I blame the other, taking ownership for my own part in the break-up (not just in a romantic relationship sense), recognizing where I might be taking on too much from the other person, opening up to where I need to show up for myself more.
Do YOU ever feel like something you’ve done makes you less lovable than anyone else? Do you judge yourself harshly for a mistake you’ve made - holding yourself back and refusing help or forgiveness? Feeling like you don’t “deserve” the love and support of others?
Well, it’s time to stop.
It’s time to forgive yourself and recognize the importance of honoring your mistake and the lesson it’s taught you.
Some of my clients have revealed to me things that they’ve done, expectations that needed to heal - something they thought made them unfit for love. And guess what happens when you shine nonjudgmental light and attention on that thing - its power to hold you back diminishes.
Exploring intimacy and developing a deep, respectful, spacious relationship with yourself and others - opening to and experiencing love even when you feel unlovable - brings the magic. It brings the flow of connection and affection into a spot that feels stuck. Giving yourself permission to acknowledge your mistake and accept the lesson helps you remember that being human isn’t always easy or positive, and that is OK.
You’re OK. You’re human and lovable and deserve forgiveness (even if it’s just from yourself).
An easy way to feel that - wrap your arms around yourself and say “I love you”.
That’s intimate, powerful, and enough (for right now).
If you need more support to open and experience more freedom, I’m here for you.