I’ve been at the game of Intimacy Advising for well over 4 years now. In some ways, it feels like I’m just getting started, because every client is different. And in other ways, I feel like I’ve been schooled in this for a lifetime, because of the depth of focus I’ve chosen to take on. I say “game” because learning to play, in any area of your life, is key to growth! So, as my 2021 kicks off, I’m embracing my more playful, encouraging, eye-rolling-at-reality self.
Intimacy is truly a serious matter though…
It can be loaded with plenty of landmines, awkward moments, failed attempts at connection, and painful realizations of disconnection patterns that we’re accustomed to, yet responsible for adapting. Throughout my time as an Intimacy Advisor, I’ve learned and taught others to navigate some incredibly difficult conversations. Because of that, I’ve been witness to some epic breakthroughs with my clients!
The first breakthrough that often occurs is overcoming their misconceptions of what working with an intimacy advisor really looks like. And, I want to share that with you!
So, here are the top 3 most common misconceptions and what the not so glamorous reality is:
1. Intimacy work is only for romantic partnerships.
Yes, it is crucial that your romantic partnership be a great relationship. It hopefully helps you thrive in your daily life and creates a platform for your dreams to become reality. Keep in mind, though, the definition of “intimacy” is a close friendship or fondness. So, it is important to tend to other core relationships in life as well! Your relationship with parents, siblings, friends, children, colleagues, etc. The relationships that encompass your community often make or break you. And, in my perspective, there is always room for deeper communication and understanding in any intimate interaction.
2. Intimacy Advising is about learning how to have better sex through me watching you and your partner.
Nope. What you do in the confines of your bedroom is up to you (and exploration is highly encouraged!). Intimacy Advising is not a “tips & tricks'' kind of a thing. Will your sexual experiences benefit? - fuck yeah they will! That’s because you will be enabled to communicate your needs, desires, and fears in a more honest, open way that gets you more comfortable in your own skin. Being confident about your desires (recognizing they’re not “weird”), being able to communicate with your partner in an encouraging way, and giving yourself permission to be present to pleasure will expand the range of possible experiences in your relationship. Remember, I mentioned play - yeah, that can absolutely happen in the bedroom too!
3. It might work for others, but it won’t work for me.
Really, intimacy is about you and your experience. The goal of this work is to know yourself more deeply so that you can connect with others in an authentic and vulnerable way (vulnerability being both hurt and love). The work involves self-reflection to build a stronger love core (not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that allows you to give love from a full cup). As long as you are open to exploring new perspectives, curious about your stories, and willing to let discomfort guide you, you will see results. If you’re attached to changing someone else or having me tell you what to do (without taking action), then the opportunity of new experiences will wither.
Whether you’re seeking to deepen your current partnership in preparation for an upcoming transition (moving, new job, new baby, retirement, etc), looking to trust in your ability to find love, or trying to elevate your relationship with family, Intimacy Advising will open you up to a world of possibility and life changing perspectives.
Since you’re curious about intimacy, dip your toe or dive right in to 1-on-1 work here.
After such a rough 2020, let’s amp up the play this year! ;-P